I can feel him getting bigger each week as his kicks progressively move up my side and across my stomach. His growing hands reach under my belly button and his feet stretch out on my right side. He likes to curl up in a ball in one particular spot where it’s easy for me to feel the curve of his back and butt. It’s my favorite. We’ve written down three names. Naming a human is not an easy assignment. Considering meaning, mood, ease of use, and representing someone from birth to death. It has to fit nicely in every category. I pick up ideas and shape them, seeing how they feel. Then I set the ideas down, letting them rest until I’m ready to wrestle with it all again. Naming him has been the art project of the year. Any project Nathan and I ever have takes reshaping, wrestling, and delicately letting things grow. I know we’ll know which name is his when we meet him.
As I reflect on pregnancy and the last trimester I’m about to enter next week, I notice how much I’ve pulled inward this year. I want to leave my phone off, sit in stillness, and be alone. Social media has lost nearly all of its appeal to me. I want to be in my life, fully aware and participating in its unfolding. I want to be with my little growing family, not outside of it watching it through a screen. I’m growing up. I’m caring less and equally caring more. A re-prioritizing of what matters to me and making room for this new life I’m about to step into. It feels good.