Ten years! We met and starting dating immediately after our friend introduced us in the hallway of our high school. It seems longer than ten years. I wouldn’t say it’s flown by, it has moved at a nice speed. Ten years is a lot of life yet also not. A ten year old is still a kid. We’ve changed so much since those high school days - in many ways, thank god for that and equally in many other ways I miss our hopefulness and naivety. What’s funny is for two anniversaries before this one, we took trips to Nashville for mini trips and we would talk about how it was great to visit but we could never live here. We’ve been reflecting a lot, especially in light of baby coming in August this year and observing every emotion that comes with that realization. In the midst of the shock, I am becoming, for the first time, so thankful for Nathan and that he is the one I get to have a baby with. There is a new level of appreciation and immense humility in me. For him, family, and life in general. I’m already softening and it feels like I am about to (to my surprise) step into the best place I’ve ever been in life.
Hi baby. It has felt like this entire time I’ve been aware of you, it’s been a far off idea. I feel like I’m making it up. Playing a joke on myself. That was until I saw you moving around today with your little feet curled up to your belly and crossed, like you were cozy in there. I couldn’t believe you could move. Barely human and you already moved not too different from me. And your sweet little heartbeat - 155 bpm as Nathan memorized and said all of his music would now be matched. You already have miniature facial features. I can’t believe you are forming inside of me. It’ is the craziest experience. So often I feel like the growth of something in life depends on over-extending myself and putting in my best effort or all will fail and fall apart. This feels like the first time something magical and perfect is happening without my input at all. My body just knows what to do. This is profound to me. It makes me feel like I am a part of something extraordinary and I just get to watch it unfold around me. I feel safe. Thank you for already changing me so much. For softening me, helping me get out of my head, and for showing me that life is so special. So often I feel alone in life - separate and scared to exist but having you with me everywhere feels like the biggest gift. My body feels like a home rather than a stranger and beautifully, it’s for both of us.